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You are here: Home1 / Blog2 / Chaplain's Corner

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The Chaplain’s Corner: Joy on Wheels

August 6, 2020/0 Comments/in Stories /by Sharon Selz

Without having known him, I would not be the chaplain I am today. Let me take this opportunity to memorialize a longtime client. For the last 16 years of his life, Darold W. spent his days at St. Ann Center for Intergenerational Care enriching the lives of everyone he met. (Teasing everyone, too!) In May of this year, Darold passed away at the age of 66.

Darold started using a wheelchair at the age of 13 due to cerebral palsy. A few years ago, when the progression of the disease took away his ability to eat, he had to get used to tube-feeding. Darold’s ability to speak clearly was gradually taken away by cerebral palsy, too.  However, rather than dwelling on his complicated health problems, he chose to celebrate life to the fullest and follow his intuition for the best adventures. Shannon, the owner of his group home, helped him enjoy his life, and Darold was most grateful that Shannon treated him with dignity and respect.

I greatly miss his visits to my office because Darold’s entrances were delightfully dramatic.  Since my door is kept ajar, unless I have a client or staff member with me, Darold would let me know he wanted to see me by first, strategically  backing-up his fancy electric wheelchair. Then, he would make a fast run smack dab into my door creating a hearty “bam” and opening it wide. I loved it!  Recently, a reliable source told me Darold’s nickname was “Crash.”

Darold took delight in buying presents for others. Every Friday, he would select some treasures from St. Ann Center’s dollar table for friends and staff. One Friday afternoon last December, he crashed into my door and rolled into my office. He had the look of someone about to ask a favor. Now, I hadn’t known him too long, so I was a rookie at understanding his speech. Eventually, after Darold fixed his eyes on a roll of gift wrapping paper behind my desk, it all clicked. “Oh,” I said. “You want me to wrap a present for you?” He nodded in the affirmative. “Sure, no problem, Darold.” He smiled radiantly!

In all honesty, as a new employee, I silently pondered, “Will my supervisor be OK with me wrapping a gift for a client?” Well, so much for wrapping one gift. Darold looked down at a side pouch on his wheelchair as if to say, “Please open the bag in there.” So, I did, finding six more items. “Darold, do I look like one of Santa’s elves to you?” I joked. “You are sitting in a pastoral care office, not Macy’s gift wrapping department!” Darold laughed his distinctive laugh by moving his head to the left and back, and making a loud guttural “ah” sound while blushing and grinning from ear to ear.

As much fun as Darold and I shared, I was honored to listen and converse about serious subjects that mattered to him, such as God’s love and forgiveness, grief, the Bible, the power of kindness, the promise of Heaven and positive thinking. Observing Darold’s honesty, openness and courage inspired me to pay close attention to my intuition, too.

In fact, during one of the last times Darold visited me, I felt compelled to share how he made a difference in my life, and expressed words of gratitude to him.  I am most grateful and relieved I listened to my intuition because soon after, the center closed for many weeks. Upon re-opening, Darold did not come back to us.  There isn’t a day that goes by without the staff bringing up one Darold story or another. We sure miss you, Darold!

May we tell the special people in our lives about the good we see in them, and how thankful we are to have them in our lives. No matter how awkward it may feel, let kindness roll!

 

https://stanncenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Darold-1.png 531 1200 Sharon Selz https://stanncenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/st-ann-center-for-intergenertional-care-milwaukee.png Sharon Selz2020-08-06 11:22:442020-08-06 11:22:44The Chaplain’s Corner: Joy on Wheels

The Chaplain’s Corner: The Gift of Listening

July 30, 2020/0 Comments/in Stories /by Sharon Selz

Oh, to be listened to. What a feeling! When was the last time you had a conversation devoid of distractions? Let me guess. It was probably the day before cell phones came on the market.

This past week, a client joined our Men’s Support Group for the first time, introduced himself and spoke about his wife and children. One of the challenges he faces living with Huntington’s disease is difficulty with speaking clearly. Even so, our group members waited respectfully and patiently for him to finish sharing his thoughts.

When I was helping this client, who uses a wheelchair, back to his unit, he kept saying, “Thank you.”

“Actually, thank you, Daniel,” I said. “It was good to hear you share!” Since Daniel was grateful to be able to speak in the group and connect with others, I believed he could benefit from more opportunities to converse.

Daniel and I met the next day for a half-hour one-on-one conversation. Inside my distraction-free office, he talked. I listened. Surely, understanding what Daniel said was important. However, even more important, was giving him my undivided attention.  I told him I might not be able to understand every word he spoke, but I wanted to, and would listen closely.

For the most part, I wasn’t able to understand Daniel’s individual words. However, thankfully, and by the grace of God, I was able to sense the gist of his words. We shared a meaningful conversation and connection. What an interesting person! I look forward to hearing Daniel continue to share in the Men’s Support Group, and in our one-on-one conversations.

Let’s not allow cell phones and other distractions to take away valuable opportunities to fully and compassionately listen to others. Both listening and feeling heard are such precious gifts.

With blessings and peace,

Rodican Rose

Chaplain

https://stanncenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/women-girls-talking-smile-1.jpg 606 910 Sharon Selz https://stanncenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/st-ann-center-for-intergenertional-care-milwaukee.png Sharon Selz2020-07-30 07:16:522020-07-30 07:16:52The Chaplain’s Corner: The Gift of Listening

The Chaplain’s Corner: It All Comes Out in the Wash

July 2, 2020/0 Comments/in Stories /by Sharon Selz

Jumbo jellyfish, plump and pink, floated side by side, weaving squirmy tentacles into a wavy blanket that reached from the shore thirty feet into Long Island Sound. Upon arriving at the beach, heavy-laden with beach chairs, towels, cooler, beach balls and sandcastle-making stuff, we were seriously disappointed. These creepy creatures had floated in with the tide and were not leaving anytime soon. Absolutely no swimming on this vacation day!

What to do now? Our family had rented a cottage close to the beach for two weeks. So spending long summer days squishing our toes in the sand and splashing around in the refreshing Connecticut waters was our “Plan A.” Many decades ago, when I was eight or nine years old, there were no such things as malls, adventure parks, indoor pools, or any other such places for kids to play. Consequently, “Plan B” was quite basic. My mother took my siblings and me to the laundromat.

Now, one would understandably not envision this “Plan B” to be anywhere near good. But, our excursion to this Westbrook, Connecticut, laundromat turned out to be quite memorable. In fact, forever after, when I drove through Westbrook, the remembrance of the town’s laundromat filled my heart.

It just so happened, my mother stayed at the laundromat only long enough to stuff a couple of washers full up, add detergent and fill their slots with the necessary change. Then, Mama Bear went to the small grocery store a few doors down, while the three baby bears stayed at the laundromat for the show. I lived in a simpler time, so watching clothes spinning round and round was considered entertainment.

However, the real show started when all of a sudden, clumps of foamy white suds began oozing out of the lids of the washers. Before long, the washers became volcanoes, with foaming suds erupting from their tops, flowing lava-like down their fronts and sides. The laundromat’s old tile floor was soon buried in three-foot-tall soap clouds, reaching to the front door. And Mama Bear was nowhere in sight!

My memory fails me as to which baby bear ran their little legs over to the grocery store to collect Mama Bear. However, I do remember my mother being shocked and stunned to see the mass of billowing soap overtaking the small laundromat, while we laughed hysterically.

Our “Plan B” on that summer vacation day delightfully surpassed our original plan, and I learned a valuable lesson from that sudsy scenario: “It’s best to be flexible with plans, and most importantly, expect only good things to happen when they need to be unexpectedly changed.”

This coronavirus pandemic has involved a plethora of Plan B’s. So far, how many of your typical lifestyle plans have you creatively revised for the safety of others and yourself? Officials in our area announced the cancellation of long-running annual celebrations and other popular summer events.

It’s important for our emotional health to acknowledge this sad and disappointing news … and then boldly move on to unique Plan B’s. Covid-19, despite your shenanigans, we will have a memorable summer–and when we return to our favorite events in the summer of 2021, they’re gonna be better than ever! Now go away, Covid-19!

With blessings and peace,

Rodican Rose Bonn
Chaplain

https://stanncenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/cc_7_21.png 393 1095 Sharon Selz https://stanncenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/st-ann-center-for-intergenertional-care-milwaukee.png Sharon Selz2020-07-02 12:16:162020-07-02 12:16:37The Chaplain’s Corner: It All Comes Out in the Wash

The Chaplain’s Corner: What’s Behind Our Open Doors

June 26, 2020/0 Comments/in Stories /by Sharon Selz

I didn’t see it–but the “Things to Do List” for the reopening of St. Ann Center was probably longer than Santa’s list of good girls and boys! Sr. Edna and staffers were meticulous while working on building updates, completing mounds of paperwork and learning and teaching issues pertinent to COVID-19. So all is going very well.

Hurrying to complete everything in time for our reopening took more than your average level of perseverance. The efforts were herculean and inspirational. Plenty of hope, dedication and optimism was swirling around St. Ann Center during our temporary closure. And good news! It still is.

As I write this, I’m smiling as I listen to our clients laughing and having a great time over lunch. Such a sweet sound! We are grateful to see these wonderful people returning and look forward to the day when more will fill the rooms, as safety allows. In the meantime, it’s a blessing to witness clients renewing their friendships and enjoying each other’s company while remaining safe during this unprecedented time in history.

Oh God, our hearts are filled with gratitude for the many ways you have blessed St. Ann Center. May you continue to bless our clients, their families and caregivers, and all our staff and volunteers. Amen.

Peace,

Rodican Rose

https://stanncenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/cc_6_26_20.png 392 1100 Sharon Selz https://stanncenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/st-ann-center-for-intergenertional-care-milwaukee.png Sharon Selz2020-06-26 15:44:132020-06-26 15:44:13The Chaplain’s Corner: What’s Behind Our Open Doors

The Chaplain’s Corner: The Trouble with Assumptions

June 4, 2020/0 Comments/in Stories /by Sharon Selz

By way of an introduction to today’s topic, allow me to share a 100% true story. It’s a doozy!

When I was a rookie chaplain intern, greener than green, my Clinical Pastoral Education Supervisor thought it would be a good idea to open the pastoral care office door and release her six students into the main hospital for the purpose of visiting real patients (…something akin to throwing teeny tiny babies into a pool as an effective technique in the art of swimming).

I was assigned to the pre-surgery unit. Having never experienced surgery myself, I was nervous. It quickly became apparent that having had watched the soap opera “General Hospital” decades ago wasn’t going to help me in the newbie situation I was now in. So many beds side by side! My memories of “General Hospital” looked nothing like this!

It was then I looked down a corridor within the pre-surg unit and saw an elderly woman resting under a snowy white blanket. Her hair was thick with curly salt-and-pepper locks resting on a fluffy pillow. The outline of her body under the bedding was short. In a way, she reminded me of my Grandma Rodican. The familiarity helped me to somewhat relax.

To the right of her bed, two men in their thirties were talking to one another. Since she wasn’t a part of their conversation and was looking lost, I chose to visit her. After sharing introductions and a brief visit, I knew it was time to leave. My patient was tired, and I was still feeling nervous. But all in all, I got through it! Or so I thought. Before departing, I turned to the two men (both wearing burgundy scrubs) and commented on how kind it was of them to visit their co-worker during their lunch hour, a lovely gesture, indeed. In response to my compliment, the men looked at me with more than your average bewilderment. One man said rather aggressively, “We’re corrections officers!” “Oh,” I said sheepishly, looking away from both of them. It was only then that my rookie chaplain eyes spied the right hand of my grandma-like first-patient-of-all-time handcuffed to the rail of the hospital bed. To which I said, (and you can’t make this stuff up), “I’m not afraid, I’m not afraid.”

Yes. Assumptions are the topic of the day. It has become natural to speculate and make assumptions about anyone and/or anything. Assumptions can create havoc in personal and business relationships. Lines of communication become frazzled and ineffective when assumptions are anywhere in the picture. It is possible to quell the drama and confusion in our lives and grow stronger and more trusting relationships. So, how can “making assumptions” become less of an occurrence in our lives? 1) Observation is key. Let’s take a daily “assumptions” tally; 2) Ask questions; 3) Communicate our feelings; 4) Repeat from Step 1.

When was the last time someone made assumptions about you, or you made assumptions about someone else, based on looks, feelings, thoughts, age, manner of dress, occupation, or even predicted future behavior? I’ve been in both places and it doesn’t feel good. Usually, all of it is all wrong, anyway!

Here are what some well-known people have said about assumptions.

“Assumptions should never be the basis of any understanding.” Steven Redhead

“We make the assumption that everyone sees life the way we do.” Miguel Angel Ruiz

“Assumptions close doors. Intrigue opens them.” Sam Owen

“Stop assuming people can read your mind. Communicate yourself.” Akiroq Brost

“Never make assumptions about someone based on your past experiences with someone else.” Anonymous

Rodican Rose Bonn

Chaplain

https://stanncenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/assuming.png 392 1100 Sharon Selz https://stanncenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/st-ann-center-for-intergenertional-care-milwaukee.png Sharon Selz2020-06-04 13:07:052020-06-04 13:07:05The Chaplain’s Corner: The Trouble with Assumptions
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