Who could have guessed that an impossibly heartwarming moment of familial pride – offered by a teenage boy, no less — would turn into a nationwide gut check, even for those who cheered him?
On the third night of the 2024 Democratic National Convention, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz stood onstage and accepted the Democratic nomination for Vice President. Even as the crowd roared approval, one person stood out. Walz’s 17-year-old son Gus leaped to his feet, tears of joy streaming down his face and bellowed “I love you, Dad! That’s my dad!”
The audience, both in the building and watching on screens, was charmed as the suit-wearing, neatly coiffed teen joined family on stage after the speech and wrapped his dad in a bear hug. Even one podcaster on the other side of the political spectrum posted approvingly that the familial moment “is really quite nice.”
But it didn’t take long for a few professional mudslingers to race each other down the low roads and sling jaw-dropping (and unrepeatable) insults at father and son. In the process, they unwittingly prompted a national discussion, and America’s collective education, about the vast array of disorders that the medical and disability community recognize as “hidden,” “non-apparent,” or “invisible” disabilities.
In short, hidden disabilities are those that impact the daily lives and quality of life of people who have them, but aren’t immediately apparent to others, especially to strangers. And there are many. For Gus Walz, they include ADHD, anxiety disorder and a non-verbal learning disorder.
Others on the long list: cancer, chronic pain, myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS), depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, balance disorders, learning differences, deafness, autism, prosthetics, traumatic brain injury (TBI), diabetes, ADHD, fibromyalgia, arthritis, Alzheimer’s disease, Asperger’s syndrome, sleep disorders, Crohn’s disease, and a host of other conditions.
Here’s a real-world example. You know that rage you might feel when you see someone zip into a handicapped parking spot, hang their permit tag, hop out of a big ol’ SUV and trot into a store with a pace double our own? That person might be riddled with anxiety, running on no sleep and just wants to get an unavoidable errand over with – without being subjected to a bystander’s opinion of whether they’re disabled.
Here’s another: That coworker who rarely makes eye-contact or small talk, stays silent in meetings and skips out on every work party or event. You can’t help but wonder “What’s their problem?!” — maybe even speculating in gossip with others. That person may have social anxiety disorder, chronic pain, or Asperger’s syndrome and is just trying to do their job without feeling any more awkward or uncomfortable than they already do.
According to the Center for Disease Control, for about 10 percent of the 61 million American adults who identify as having a disability, such situations are painfully common. The percentage of those who suffer from them is likely much higher, because many people with a non-apparent disability don’t talk about or report it. Experience has taught them that the stigma of having a disability, or being harassed by others who make judgments based only on their observations, is worse than living with the disability itself.
Left unaddressed, people with hidden disabilities often face unnecessary challenges and isolation in their communities, workplaces, schools, day programs, and among friends and family members. The stress of hiding those disabilities every day can further affect their mental and physical health.
CHANGE DEPENDS ON EACH OF US
Few of us enjoy having someone make assumptions about us or a loved one based solely on a glance in our direction. So why is it such a challenge to stop ourselves from doing the same? A few changes in your mindset can get you on your way, do wonders for your self-respect and make a big difference to people living with hidden disabilities.
- Train yourself to respond with empathy over anger. Let’s go back to the parking spot situation. If you’re inclined to lose your cool in situations like this, remind yourself why you’re there in the first place — to run an errand, see your doctor, attend a religious service — and stick to your mission. Challenging someone you don’t feel needs a special parking spot nay give you a do-gooder glow, but you’re more likely making a person with a hidden disability feel worse, embarrassing them and potentially forcing them to explain a health condition that is none of your business. Be grateful for your own good health, focus on kindness and move on.
- Be patient with people who struggle to express themselves. Most people with cognitive or language disorders such as TBI, ADHD, memory loss disorders, aphasia, depression or anxiety still have a lot to express and a lot to contribute. Having the time to do so in our fast-moving, overscheduled world is too often a courtesy they’re not afforded. Do your best to be patient. Allow them time to get the words out or put them on paper. Do not assume what they are saying to you or attempt to finish their thought for them.
- Recognize that people with physical and learning disabilities often have hidden disabilities too.
And, caregivers, don’t immediately label them “behaviors.” My physically disabled daughter and I battled this for years as she sought her independence, often with poor results. Though the school system was terrific, and we could prove to her day program and independent living providers via her counselors and psychologists that Chelsey had a genetic disposition to bipolar disorder, depression and anxiety — independent of the frustrations of her disability — her anxiety or depression sometimes got the better of her. That was especially the case in frustrating situations like staff changes or misbehavior, lack of adherence to her bathing or food tolerance protocols, or verbal abuse from a roommate. I’d get stern phone calls, Chelsey would get written up for “behaviors.” Often both. It was maddening for us. Of course adults with disabilities run the gamut of personalities, just as the rest of us do. And, with her “normal” intellect, sometimes Chelsey could indeed be demanding or dramatic. Just like the rest of us. But when the root of bad moods, bad days, and anger are evident or can be explained, patience, empathy and training goes a long way in providing more compassionate care that offers dignity and self-expression every single day.
- If an employee or colleague opens up to you about a hidden disability — depression or anxiety that clouds their thoughts, slows their productivity, or hampers decision-making; social anxiety that make meetings, conferences or work outings agonizing; vision or hearing impairments that sometimes challenge their ability to see or hear workplace situations and interactions as well as others can — believe them and do your best to continue to be someone they can talk with comfortably. After all, they chose you for a reason.
- Make your workplace or work habits more inclusive. Research shows that nearly 90 percent of employees with hidden disabilities fail to report them to their workplace to avoid discrimination. But, according to the Harvard Business Review, studies also show that “empathy is a workplace superpower.” Partnering with those employees who report their disability in finding ways to increase self-esteem, inclusion and productivity sets a great example for the your staff and colleagues, and results in a better workplace for everyone.
- If you see someone struggling, offer to help — even if they are not using a walker, cane, wheelchair or scooter. Many hidden disabilities come with severe fatigue, balance issues and pain that make everyday tasks a challenge. So feel free to offer help whenever someone looks like they could use it. Do it in a way that doesn’t indicate pity or annoyance, but rather that you are someone who just likes to help. And if they answer, “Thanks, I got this” — respect that rather than forcing help on them.
Kae Wiberg, Director of Adult Services for St. Ann Center for Intergenerational Care’s Stein Campus, says getting the full picture of each client, including those with hidden disabilities, in her program is Job One. “I know a lot about every single one of the clients here, and I pride that a lot of the staff does too,” she says. [The] Activities [team] is fantastic about that. Because we’re all adults. We all don’t want to do the same thing. Listening to them, letting them have an opinion, understanding that everybody has a bad day is critical.”
Wiberg and her staff zero in on their clients’ personalities, talents and strengths and then craft their days around those things. For some, helping in the kitchen, tidying common areas and helping their mobility-challenged friends is important. Others are natural activity planners, social butterflies, comics and artists. One likes to spend his days as an unofficial security guard, patrolling the campus and even walking staff members to their cars. Clients who are having a tough day are welcome to head up to the building’s lovely veranda to have a nap or relax in the comfy recliners.
“It’s the whole idea of cooperation and not control,” Wiberg says. “You’re not in control of these adult people. You work together. And I’m sure every person on this staff can tell you many things that they have learned back.”
Here’s the thing: We all benefit when we operate according to the Gus Walz playbook. Don’t focus on what makes us differently abled from others, but rather the good stuff: the people we love and who love us back, unabashed pride in their accomplishments, our ability to set an example of kindness and inclusion. It’s not just common courtesy toward others — it makes your day better, too.
LEARN MORE
Invisible Disabilities List and Information
Invisible Disabilities Association – Founded in 1996, the IDA aims to support people living with invisible disabilities and help those who want to better understand them educate themselves and bring acceptance of these hidden challenges into the mainstream.
National Education Association – “What to Know About Invisible Disabilities.” The NEA offers education and support for educators and students whose disabilities are not apparent.
Social Security Administration – “Disability Evaluation Under Social Security”
Learn how the Social Security Administration categorizes and qualifies mental health disorders.
Harvard Business Review – “How to Make Workplaces More Inclusive for People with Invisible Disabilities.”
A must read for employees at all levels.